Who Starts The Angry Tension in Your Home?

On the surface, it may appear that the “bully” is the one with the anger problem. And that may be true——partially. But Anger in relationships, is often a complex web of interactions. Many times it is difficult to even define. Mary, for example, is constantly criticizing Ben, no matter how hard he tried to please her. She demands that things be done her way! Finally, she pushes him too far. He explodes after being patient for weeks with her rants. Instantly he is identified as the one with an “anger problem” that needs to be fixed before the relationship can continue. Now he is really mad and resentful that” fixing” the problem is all on him. But Mary contributes to the angry atmosphere too and needs to take some responsibility for her contribution.

Truth is, we see destructive anger in relationships as almost always caused by contributions by both partners, although the contributions are not necessarily equal.