Things the overly critical spouse can do
In my first session with Jose alone, I pointed out how critical of her Sarah saw him. He did not see himself that way; as is often the case, he saw himself as “helping” her see her defects so she could change them.
Jose had to learn to change his perspective on things by adjusting his expectations. Many men his age base their expectations on what they saw in their parental homes when they were growing up. But, our society has changed considerably since then. Many of our role expectations of men and women have changed considerably. \
He also had to learn how to communicate complaints he had about her (all partners have complaints) in a more loving way — without the blame.
Finally, Jose had to learn to shift his focus to the positives in their relationship instead of the negatives. Like a photographer, where we point the camera is what we see. Our anger often lessons considerably if we broaden our perspective of our partner or our relationship.