How resentment affects your relationship
- Makes you feel like getting revenge on your partner to retaliate.
- Creates an emotional barrier between you. Even if it is never discussed, it is felt.
- Activates overt anger when old hurts are triggered.
- Prevents emotional trust from occurring which is necessary for closeness and intimacy.
- May prevent you from wanting to do loving things for your partner because of what you perceive they did to you.
As you have been hearing, most couples do things in the course of daily living that causes anger and resentment in their partner. This is normal. Being angry at your partner does not necessarily bring a marriage down.
Research shows that what harms a relationship much more is lack of skills to repair or fix conflict, arguments, bad feelings toward each other, hurts, or grievances. With a lack of skills, these feelings fester and morph into resentment.
Resentments that are not dealt with can last for years and affect all parts of the relationship. For instance:
- Resentment over money can lead to loss of sex drive toward partner
- Resentment over partner treatment of their children can turn some wives into protective “mamma bear” mode
- Resentment over partner not doing “their share” of household chores can simmer and erupt into a super-critical wife or husband who finds fault in everything you do
- Resentment over perceived betrayal (emotional or physical) can lead to years of anger laying beneath the surface ready to emerge if triggered