We welcome again a guest article by marriage therapist Michele Weiner-Davis who gives us 5 practical tips on how to prevent resentment from ruining your marriage.
When you and your spouse hit rough times, it seems that no matter what you do, things get worse.
You blame your spouse; your spouse blames you and nothing changes.
Out of desperation, you eventually step back from your situation and try to think more clearly. And thankfully, when you aren’t mired in the muck, you actually figure out more productive ways to handle your differences. You are determined to do better the next time a challenging situation rears its ugly head.
And then it happens. It feels like a déjà vu. The same old argument starts unfolding.
You and your spouse have been there so many times before.
And although you promised yourself that you would take the high road this time- to remain calm and loving in the face of controversy-your anger and resentment have another plan for you.
You are going to do the same old thing because you’re mad and resentful as hell and your spouse doesn’t deserve better treatment. All the brilliant planning for a better outcome goes right out the window.
Resentment wins. You lose. Sound familiar?
If you want to improve your relationship, you have to find ways to triumph over resentment so you can live up to the promises you make yourself to approach your spouse in more productive ways.
But the sixty-four thousand dollar question is, “How?” The following are five tips for rising above resentment.
Continue reading “Five tips for preventing resentment from ruining your marriage”
If you need help giving up resentments, call Dr Tony Fiore at 714-745-1393 to schedule a consolation. To discover to what extent you hold anger expressed as resentment, join our mailing list and take our free Anger Quiz at http://188.8.131.52/contact/newsletter-signup/
I am pleased to offer a guest blog by Michelle Weiner-Davis, whom I have known for many years, and popular author of "The Sex -Starved Marriage." She gives practical and sensible advice for both partners on what to do if one spouse doesn't want to have sex.
When a Spouse Doesn’t Want to Have Sex
It has been two months since Janet and Mark have had sex. They’re hardly speaking to each other. If you asked Janet about this, she would say that their home has become a battle zone-they fight about every little thing. Janet goes out of her way to avoid Mark to protect herself from his wrath.
Mark tells a different story. His anger, he believes, is justified. He is fed up with Janet’s lack of interest in their sexual relationship. “She never initiates sex. She recoils when I try to kiss or hug her. I’m tired of being rejected.” To cope with his unhappiness, Mark spends longer hours at work and busies himself on his computer at night, deepening the chasm between them.
Both Mark and Janet think that the other one is to blame for the problems between them. They have hit an impasse. The result: A sex-starved marriage. And sex-starved marriages are surprisingly common. In fact, in about one in three marriages, one spouse has a considerably larger sexual appetite than the other. This in and of itself is not a problem-it’s how couples handle their difference that matters.
Here’s what you need to know to fix a sex-starved marriage and make you both happier…
Continue reading “What to do if one spouse doesn’t want to have sex”
If you are the lower desire partner, find time and a way to have sex anyway as a gift to your partner. If you are the higher desire partner, figure out what turns your spouse on, speak from your heart and ask for what you want instead of complaining.
Many couples who have tried marriage counseling feel it doesn’t work. However, Dr. Anthony Fiore, a therapist who has treated hundreds of Orange County couples during the past 30 years, disagrees. He argues that marriage counseling is as important therapy tool as it ever was. However, for it to be effective, the timing has to be right. The therapist has to make sure that both parties in a troubled relationship are totally committed. Discernment Counseling is the all-too-often omitted first step.
A guide for Orange County couples on the brink of divorce
Many couples come to me after they’ve tried traditional marriage counseling. They’re usually frustrated and depressed. One of the most common things they say is: “We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work!”
If you feel this way, you’re not alone. But, as you’ll see, there’s hope at the end of the rainbow.
What’s wrong with marriage counseling?
I don’t think there’s anything particularly “wrong” with marriage counseling. (If I did, I wouldn’t still be offering it to Orange County couples on the brink of separation.)
The problem with traditional marriage counseling isn’t related to the therapy itself, or the way it’s delivered. The problem with marriage counseling involves when it’s delivered.
All too often, however, both parties aren’t fully committed to their partner and the relationship.
In situations like the one described below, even the most skilled therapist and well-planned program doesn’t stand a chance!
Continue reading “How to Get the Most out of Marriage Counseling”
Marriage counseling has a much better chance of working with mixed-agenda couples on the brink if you have a discernment process first. Without separate "buy-in" from both partners as a pre-requisite to marriage counseling and a firm plan, marriage therapy is doomed to fail.
Would Discernment Counseling work for you? Does Discernment Counseling make sense to you? What Discernment Counseling resources are available in Orange County? Do you wish it had been available sooner? Share your comments, experiences, or questions below, as comments. Note: your email will not appear when your comment appears, after moderation.