Put the following strategies in the category of “Winning Strategies” (Winning) or “Losing Strategies” (Losing)
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In an argument over accusations of wrongdoing, insist on being right and provide additional evidence of your rightness until you convince your partner of your way of seeing things.
Insist and demand that your partner behave the way you want them to because you are right and they are wrong, e.g. how to talk to the children.
If possible, stop doing what your partner resents, or modify it so both of you can live with it
While making love, start crying and tell your partner again how much it hurts you that he flirted with a nurse at the hospital Xmas party.
If your partner struggles with giving it up or forgiving you, ask them how you can help with their struggle-and then try to do it.
Tell your partner something like: ” it has now been 3 days since you found the text from my old girlfriend, I have apologized, now “just get over it.”
If you did something to cause resentment, fall on your sword, commit to doing better in the future, and acknowledge that you can see how, from their point of view, that it caused resentment.
Start flirting with the cable guy in front of your husband in retaliation for a resentment you have toward him.
Pout, withdraw, stonewall for days, months, or years over a resentment or resentments. When your partner asks what is wrong, say “nothing”.
Accept what you cannot change in the relationship by adjusting your expectations – or deciding that the issue is a marital deal-breaker.
When your partner asks what is wrong say “If you really loved me you would know without my having to tell you.”
Even though your partner has told you many times about resentment they have, you continue to do the behavior out of stubbornness or control.Or maybe you think it that what they are requesting is unreasonable, so you dont change.
Even though you know you are wrong in what you did, become defensive or deny it when confronted. That way, your partner will eventually stop mentioning it to you.
Don’t bring up past hurts or resentments once things are settled.
Be warm instead of rejecting and critical when you have a grievance or developing resentment toward your partner. Deal with it while it is only a stone in your shoe instead of a rock on your back.
Don’t let resentments build and fester. If something bothers you, deal with it in its early stages before things get out of hand.
Complain about your partner and your resentments to relatives and friends.
Talk about your Resentments but DON’T DEMAND THAT THEY CHANGE. Just tell them how it makes you feel.
Feeling resentment, tell your partner that they are turning out to be just like one of their parents. If this is meant to insult, shame or embarrass them, it is never a winning strategy and often will make things worse. If indeed they are acting like one of their parents toward you, a winning strategy would be to point out how you feel when they act that way which might be similar to how your in-laws might feel toward each other. Hopefully this will motivate your partner to look at himself/herself.
Assume that some of their behavior that you resent is hard-wired into them; it has nothing to do with you.
Rather than have resentment, I will try to get my frustrated needs met outside the marriage in a way that is both fair and acceptable to both of us, instead of constantly complaining.