Step-1: Decide. A successful marriage or intimate relationship requires leadership by at least one of the partners. Somebody has to decide to try and change things if anything is to happen. To change the atmosphere one or both partners needs to start by deciding to change. This is done most effectively by taking a few minutes each day and reflecting on what kind of person you want to be, what kind of home environment you want to have, and what kind of life you wish to live. Even if your partner is not ideal, you usually have the option of deciding how much you are going to let that nastiness affect the quality of your life.