This is a guest article by freelance writer Paul Smith which offers much useful information to help stressed couples get better sleep which could lead to less irritability, better communication, and improved relationship skills.
How sleep issues can affect anger expression in couples and negatively affect relationships and communication?
Sleep is probably the most underrated of habits that impact health and wellbeing. A lack of sleep the night before is enough to leave us tired, grumpy and fed up for the rest of the day. Getting the right amount of rest is crucial to tackling everything the world has to throw at us and that includes how we interact & communicate with other people especially with our spouses. But why? Let’s examine in closer detail exactly what it is about sleep that has such an impact on us.
Why is sleep important in a relationship?
The short answer to this question is that it affects our “Emotions”. The body needs time to recover at the end of every day. Not getting enough sleep has the potential to hinder our social abilities. It becomes harder to recognize communication cues when tired, and affects how we react to the behavior of others.
What happens to the body with lack of sleep?
What will actually happen if we don’t get enough sleep? Some of the potential dangers associated with getting less sleep include:
- Weight gain – Sleep plays an important role in burning calories. As such, not getting enough can cause someone to pack on the pounds. It’s also been claimed that sleep-deprived people have lower levels of leptin. This chemical is what controls our ability to feel full. As such, you’re prone to eating more as a direct result of a lack of sleep.
As well as these more specific side effects, you’ll also experience exhaustion throughout the day. Constantly feeling like you need to sleep is no way to get through the day productively. In some extreme circumstances, it may even result in death. Such was the case with SAP CEO Ranjan Das.
- Lowered concentration levels – Your ability to focus will be drastically impacted if you’ve missed too much sleep.
- A lowered sex drive – Your sex life might suffer if you’re not getting enough sleep. The NHS recently published information highlighting how a lack of sleep affected both males and female libidos. This could have a detrimental impact on your relationship.
Dangers associated with a lack of sleep
As you may have already realized, there are a number of dangers, which go hand-in-hand with not getting enough rest. These include:
- Mood disorders – Studies have suggested mental illnesses can be caused, or heightened, as a direct result of not getting enough sleep. This occurs as a result of neurotransmitters in the brain being damaged, causing the brain to experience the same symptoms associated with depression and anxiety.
- Raised blood pressure – Owing to the aforementioned close association of the heart and sleep, it should come as no shock blood pressure is affected when a person misses out on sleep. Increased pressure is the natural side effect of additional strain being put on the cardiovascular system.
How much of an impact a lack of sleep can have on your daily performance?
Physical exercise – Physical activity will also be impaired by a loss of sleep. There are a number of ways in which your body will be negatively affected if you over-exert yourself.
Psychological Effect – It’s a vicious cycle when it comes to sleep and exercise. You’re bound to feel less motivated if you don’t get enough sleep. Naturally, this will have a negative impact on your abilities to push yourself on the workout itself. You may not feel like you want to do any activity at all.
You’re going to notice a significant difference in your motivation, recovery and performance levels when you miss out on sleep. If you have an important day of activities ahead, make sure you always get the right amount of rest the evening before.
In short, not getting enough sleep puts us at an instant disadvantage in almost every aspect of daily life from both a health and social perspective.
his article is an excerpt from ‘Complete Guide to The Health Benefits of Sleep’. An in-depth guide that provides a wealth of information on the importance of getting enough quality sleep that aims to raise awareness about the dangers associated with lack of sleep, causes of poor sleep patterns, and offers tips and advice for developing a healthy bedtime routine. The guide is available here
Continuing our last blog in which we gave you “love-hacks” as a short-term fix for marriage conflict, today we ask you to look at deeper and longer-term issues that you should look at.
Resentment often is at the top of the list. You may have resentments toward your partner because essential needs are not being met through your marriage. Based on the work of Dr. Eli Finkel, in “The All-or-Nothing Marriage,” there may be alternatives for you short of divorce which you should consider.
Do You Have Resentment In Your Marriage?
Mary, age 40, came to see me recently for a consultation on how she could improve her marriage and deal with an angry husband who refused to see a marriage therapist. She was extremely resentful, unhappy and depressed. She had tried “everything” to get her husband to change- all to no avail.
The resentment Mary was feeling was normal when a partner has grievances toward their partner which are unexpressed – or- when your partner does not respond even when they are indeed expressed. Take our free Anger Quiz to assess the degree of resentment in your marriage. Many times grievances are formed in a marriage because some essential needs are not being fulfilled – needs which you want satisfied through the marriage. After all, satisfaction of some of those needs are the reason you married in the first place.
Mind you, just because you have normal needs doesn’t necessarily mean you are “needy.” We all have needs, as a famous psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote about way back in the 1940s. Here is a simplified version of his needs diagram. In Maslow’s theory, lower needs (such as having enough to eat) need to be satisfied before higher needs such as “esteem” seem important.
The question is: to what extent should we look toward marriage to satisfy some of these needs?
Continue reading “How to Reduce Resentment Toward Your Partner – Even if Your Partner Won’t Change!”
Resentments often develop toward your partner if you feel that certain needs are not being met in your marriage. But there may be other alternatives which you can explore by asking yourself 3 basic questions
You and your partner may be happier personally by taking some of the pressure off the marriage itself and mutually finding other ways for both of you to achieve personal satisfaction and fulfillment while maintaining some degree of emotional connection with each other.
We welcome this guest article by Dr Tina Tessina describing how conflict, resentment and anger around money issues can jeopardize a marriage or relationship. She also instructs couples on how to have discussions around money and provides resources on how to better budget to reduce financial stress and anger.
The most valuable thing in a long-term stable relationship is having a partnership, and most new couples don’t realize that money is a major factor in marital happiness. Money is one of the biggest generators of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples argue about spending, saving budgeting, and disparity in earnings. When couples have difficulty with money, it can lead to financial infidelity: out-of-control spending, lying and hiding finances; which can destroy the relationship. Overcoming money problems together and working as a team will strengthen the bond between you, and help you create a healthy, lasting partnership.
Money doesn’t have to be a wedge between you and your partner. It can be a great tool for learning more about one another and using money matters as a discussion point can help your relationship grow and thrive. Money can create misery or happiness, depending on how you manage it. Making long-term plans, helping reach goals and improving your quality of life are just some of the things you will be able to accomplish if you work together.
Continue reading “Anger and Couple Finances: How to Avoid Financial Infidelity”
- Share your different attitudes about money. Talk about how your families dealt with money, and what you liked and didn’t like about their style. Share your observations about how various friends handle money, and share what you think. Then make the discussion more personal by talking about how you feel about money, spending, saving, and your future dreams.
- Discuss long-term joint financial goals (i.e. a new home, baby, education, travel, household repairs or retirement). The previous step should lead you naturally into a further discussion of your long-term goals, and into a discussion of specific steps you need to follow to reach them. Steps should include saving and/or raising money to realize your goals, and a plan for how long you think it will take.
- Put your plan to work. Once you have the steps outlined, break the first couple steps down into small increments and choose steps for which each of you will take the responsibility in the coming week.
- Establish separate checking accounts or personal spending budgets. As part of your plans, you may want to open separate checking accounts, savings accounts for building your dreams, and agree on budgets for personal spending from your available funds. How to Budget steps are in Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.
- Discuss how the plan is going on a weekly basis. Keep this discussion going every week, and keep each other informed about how your plans are going. This is a good time to discuss the bills that need to be paid, changes in income or expenses, and what you need to do to accommodate the changes.
- Keep talking. No matter how well or poorly your finances are going at any given time; keep your financial discussions going. The more frequently you discuss your finances, the less difficult the discussions will be, and the more likely that you’ll make good financial choices.
I am pleased to offer this guest article by colleague Dr. Steve Rockman for couples who need to re-ignite that love feeling for each other. The advice given in this article is common sense in many ways and profoundly true! Establish a “Love Bank” and start making deposits. If you want more, start giving more! Be nicer to each other and be less critical.
Having been a therapist for over thirty years, I am always pleased to find new ways of helping couples. A few years ago, I discovered a treatment approach by Willard Harley that’s short term and practical. Combined with other techniques that I use, this approach has proven effective. Furthermore, it offers hope to relationships that seem hopeless. I’ve had several successful cases where one member had fallen out of love, ready to leave the relationship. If you’re interested, read on.
Continue reading “Can I Fall Back in Love After The Thrill Is Gone?”
Feeling emotionally connected and emotionally close in a relationship is often a matter of learning to regularly satisfy each other’s needs. If you get “yours” you are much more likely to want to give them “theirs.” The Love Bank concept is a great way to kind of keep track of things to maintain balance.
Husbands who fail to help with chores, child care, and daily household tasks is a leading cause of household anger and deteriorating relationships.
In situations like that, women often feel justified in being angry, frustrated and fatigued—and verbally expressing their discontent. But, wives are not justified in verbally abusing their husbands to get them to do more.
The right way to get your husband to help around the house involves teaching wives a better way to communicate and motivate their husbands. This is one of the most important ways marriage counselors can reduce relationship anger.
Assertive communication involves learning to express what you need or request without anger or rage. Anger and rage usually makes things worse and invites retaliation. In addition, parental anger is very harmful for children to witness.
Continue reading “Is it OK for wives to verbally abuse husbands for not helping more around the house?”
Can Marriage Counseling make your husband more responsible? The key to your husband being "more responsible" is developing shared expectations and agreeing what is fair. Both partners contribute to this process by changing their attitudes toward shared responsibilities and replacing verbal abuse with healthier assertive communication skills. You can reducing the toxic effects of anger through self-help or working with a marriage counselor experienced in anger management.