When you and your spouse hit rough times, it seems that no matter what you do, things get worse.
You blame your spouse; your spouse blames you and nothing changes.
Out of desperation, you eventually step back from your situation and try to think more clearly. And thankfully, when you aren’t mired in the muck, you actually figure out more productive ways to handle your differences. You are determined to do better the next time a challenging situation rears its ugly head.
And then it happens. It feels like a déjà vu. The same old argument starts unfolding.
You and your spouse have been there so many times before.
And although you promised yourself that you would take the high road this time- to remain calm and loving in the face of controversy-your anger and resentment have another plan for you.
You are going to do the same old thing because you’re mad and resentful as hell and your spouse doesn’t deserve better treatment. All the brilliant planning for a better outcome goes right out the window.
Resentment wins. You lose. Sound familiar?
If you want to improve your relationship, you have to find ways to triumph over resentment so you can live up to the promises you make yourself to approach your spouse in more productive ways.
But the sixty-four thousand dollar question is, “How?” The following are five tips for rising above resentment.
Continue reading “Five tips for preventing resentment from ruining your marriage”
Happy new Year to All!
To start the New Year off right, We are looking for 10 people to participate in the development of a new pilot anger skills building program for couples.
For Whom is the Program Designed?
One partner or both can participate in this unique distance learning program based on application of eight tools of anger management used by Dr Fiore in his local classes for 14 years.
This program is a perfect self-help tool for angry couples who need a supplement to therapy to learn specific anger management skills between sessions or between anger management classes.
It also is perfect for very busy couples who are unable to attend therapy sessions for one reason or another. The skills can be learned while commuting to work, doing the laundry at home, or flying to a business meeting across the country.
Continue reading “Dr Fiore New Anger Skills Pilot Program for Couples”
Anger and partner narcissism: Betty and Jason
Betty and Jason had been married for 5 years and were now being seen in couples therapy because of almost constant conflict. Jason saw the problem as “Betty’s anger” which he couldn’t cope with and caused him to completely emotionally shut down. He constantly threatened divorce lamenting that he wished he had married a “sweet” girl. Betty said her anger was only because of him; she had many friends and no history of anger problems in any other relationship or areas of her life. But, she indeed was enraged with her husband who constantly berated and criticized her, tried to lower her self-esteem, could not satisfy her most basic needs as a woman, and constantly manipulated her by giving her hope for change and then completely reversing himself the next day. She called it “crazy-making.”
What is a narcissist?
Simply put, a narcissist Continue reading “Angry at narcissistic husband? How to cope short of divorce!”
The Story of Mary and Bill
Mary and Bill were a nice couple empty nesters. Married 20 years, hey had built a nice life together. Their mortgage was low, their children were in college and doing well, most of the time they got along with each other fairly well. But one day Mary told Bill she thought maybe they should get a divorce. This rocked Bill’s world as he had no idea that she had still been planning this. Sure, she mentioned it several years ago, but then things had actually improved, so Bill figured the storm had passed.
For Bill, the marriage wasn’t perfect, but then he had lower expectations. Most of his unhappiness was in reaction to her unhappiness. He was happy to keep things as they were even though they had little in common anymore. Mary complained that she was emotionally lonely in the marriage, that Bill didn’t communicate with her, that he drank too much, and that he rarely paid attention to her anymore. She suspected he was having at least an emotional affair with a co-worker, though Bill denied this, pleading that they were just close friends.
Continue reading “Orange County Marriage Counselor Asks: Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?”
A guide for Orange County couples on the brink of divorce
Many couples come to me after they’ve tried traditional marriage counseling. They’re usually frustrated and depressed. One of the most common things they say is: “We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work!”
If you feel this way, you’re not alone. But, as you’ll see, there’s hope at the end of the rainbow.
What’s wrong with marriage counseling?
I don’t think there’s anything particularly “wrong” with marriage counseling. (If I did, I wouldn’t still be offering it to Orange County couples on the brink of separation.)
The problem with traditional marriage counseling isn’t related to the therapy itself, or the way it’s delivered. The problem with marriage counseling involves when it’s delivered.
All too often, however, both parties aren’t fully committed to their partner and the relationship.
In situations like the one described below, even the most skilled therapist and well-planned program doesn’t stand a chance!
Continue reading “How to Get the Most out of Marriage Counseling”